dejectedone blogging at elowel.org
11-28-05 11:15
I've fallen in love with someone who lives 1000 miles away. She feels the same way, but we both know nothing can come of it. We also both know that at least one of us is going to end up hurting very badly.

God damnit. I'm so fucking stupid.
11-28-05 11:08
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02-13-05 02:13
So I've been feeling a bit down lately. Actually, I've been pretty depressed. I guess the thing is that I've been feeling lonely lately. Not lonely as in not having people around, lonely as in I wish I had a signifigant other.

I look at all of my friends, and I see them with thier boyfriends or girlfriends, and they seem so happy with each other, and I wonder why I can't find that happiness. I know it probably sounds silly, or something like that, but it is how I've been feeling lately.

It probably sounds corny, but I wish I could find someone who would care about me as much as I care about them. Problem is that I seem to have trouble meeting people, or when I do, it turns out I'm not "boyfriend material". Nothing is more irritating then hearing about what a nice guy I am, but that I'm not really what someone is looking for.

I suppose I put myself in these situations. I'm the crying shoulder for several women who I am(was) interested in. I seem to be the guy that everyone comes to to vent about thier relationships. That's fine, I really don't mind it if it makes someone feel better, but I don't understand why some people stay with thier boyfriends when it seems like they treat them like shit. I'm sure it is just because I hear the bad things, but I can't help feel a bit bitter when a girl is sobbing to me about how her boyfriend stood her up to get trashed with his friends while I'm standing there, always willing to listen and to help out in any way I can.

Of course, I know not everyone is like that, but sometimes it seems like it. I wish I could be an asshole for once, and just tell them to take care of thier own problems, because it does tend to get overbearing at times, but I can't bring myself to do that.

Another problem I seem to have is that I fall for anyone who smiles at me. It just feels so good to have someone pay attention to you, to flirt with you. Of course I end up chasing impossible situations, but it seems like I can't help but set myself up for failure. There are times where I know when someone is flirting with me, it is just flirting with no real meaning behind it, but I go along with it, just because it feels good to have someone pay attention to me like that. Heh, as I read over what I've written, I'm starting to get the jist of how lame I'm starting to sound. This post has pretty much been one big pityfest.

I know it is a cop out to say "Ignore my rantings, I'm just in a bad mood/bitter/tired" so I won't.
01-16-05 11:20
Wow, it's been a long time since I posted. School really kicked me in the ass. I ended up dropping my Physics class, but I did pretty well in all my other ones. Ended up with a 3.22gpa. This next semester should go much better now that I've been through one.

Not much has really happened since I last posted. Restraunt that I worked at closed down, so I've been jobless for a while. It is kind of a good thing though, I needed more time to focus on school.

I have a question though. Does anyone think it is wierd to be friends with someone you've never actually met? I've played an online game for the past few years, and I've been playing with one person for quite a while. Turns out we have a lot in common, and we talk out of the game too (We have talked on the phone a few times). She lives up in Oklahoma though, so there's a good chance we won't ever meet in real life (both poor college students, go figure :P)
09-12-04 16:00
So...I think I got off on the wrong foot here. So I'm going to try again. If I could change my name, I would, but I don't know how and I'd rather start up a new account. :P

First, let me introduce myself. My name is Tom, and I'm a freshman at a new school in a new town. I wasn't lying when I said I was shy earlier. Well, it is mainly when I am around large groups of people. I might even go so far as to say I have a social anxiety disorder, but I don't consider it to be that severe. I don't do well in new situations with new people, but I am trying to get better at that by talking to new people and trying to go to events around town. Some people would say I am anti-social, which I suppose is somewhat true. I'd rather stay home then go to a party, and if I ever do go to parties, I have a tendency to clam up and only speak to a few people (mainly ones that I know).

I am a part time cook at a local restraunt. I have a love-hate relationship with my job. Well, I love the job, but I hate some of the people that I have to deal with. I like my co-workers fine enough, but some of the customers I have to put up with just make me want to scream. :P

I'm not dating anyone atm, but there is someone who I would like to. :P Problem is that she is a pretty close friend, and I really doubt she feels the same about me. It kind of sucks, because about a year ago we went out on a few dates and had some pretty good times, but at that point in time she was planning on moving to California for college, so we decided to not get to serious. But when the time came around, she decided she wanted to stay closer to her family. So now we see each other pretty often, and I still care for her. But I haven't just sat around pining for her, I have gone out with several other girls since then, but everytime I see her I just can't help but think about how beautiful, and how intelligent and how great her personality is. There are times where I think she is still interested, but I am afraid that I may just be looking for things. I'm almost positive that she doesn't feel the same, but I just can't get over it.

Oh, after reading this over, I know it seems like I am unhappy with my life, but that isn't true. I've got a great apartment, I love Omaha and I love my school, but it just seems easier to post about the few things I'm not satsified with for some reason or another.
09-12-04 15:20

09-12-04 15:20

First Post 09-12-04 15:19

Hello, 09-12-04 23:45
My name is dejectedone. I'm new to elowel.